Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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