p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
