I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
