you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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