this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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