saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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