The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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