Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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