I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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