I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
