I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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