Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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