Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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