I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
