Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
