I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
