If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
