You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
