Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
