butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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