i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
