i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
