have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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