you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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