so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
