Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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