.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
