Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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