i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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