I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
