dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
