Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
