i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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