he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
