Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
