I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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