Having a random hookup so left but love u
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
