IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
