Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
