He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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