I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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