I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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