One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
