tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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