just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize