and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
