it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
