i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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