im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
