He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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