I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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