i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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