Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
