I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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