I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
