you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
