Christians are straight up FREAKS
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
