it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we made out on top of his cat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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