is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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