shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
