when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
