I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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