I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
