do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
