Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
