yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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