Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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