she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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