u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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