It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
