We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
