hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
