guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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