the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
