I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
FUCK WHALES
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