we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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