We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
