oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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