I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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