i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
