I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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