the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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