Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
