The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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