My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Less talking, more tequila
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
