You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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